“There is inevitable suffering because of a natural tension between the individual’s potentiality and his actuality.” —J-P Sartre
It is a good idea to remember that we have walked in our own shoes but have never walked in another person’s and it, therefore, behooves us to look at the world through a variety of lenses, rather than to be restricted by our own limited experience and views – otherwise, our judgments or reactions become biased and inflexible.
One way of seeing the same memories, but through different and updated lenses, is to use the whole brain integration technique – it can be thought of as a personal upgrade, i.e. for me it would be Steve King 2.0 or seeing things through with the wisdom, knowledge, and experience that we have gained to the present time – through the lens of the present, more grown-up self. Knowing what you know today about your parents for instance – if you feel stuck with anything that you've always been questioning – first look at the experience through your own lens and then, knowing the other person as you do then see the same memory but through the lens of the other person – it may totally shift your purview or make something far less distressing and far more understandable and possibly even agreeable or having now some empathy where it may not have previously been.
- Hold your normal cross-leg position (at ankles), e.g. left foot over the right – then hold opposing hand (in this case right over the left, invert them and relax, which means you’ve formed a figure eight with your body (like a double-helix, DNA!) Now close your eyes and put your attention on the chosen issue and just observe as it was in your purview then. Spend whatever time you require in doing so.
- Crossover the other leg and hands (i.e. reverse the positions) and do the same – but this time put your attention on what you know about that situation today and, again, do so for whatever time you require.
- Stop and ask yourself – what differences have you noted?
- Once you’ve done from your own lens – it becomes possible to see the same incidents, traumas, etc. through the lenses of others we know well – such as our parents, partners, children, etc. (or what we can imagine was their purview – based upon their own history or disposition, outlook, perception, interpretation or beliefs) It can help with reconciliation.